We all know Mother’s Day is supposed to be a joyous day celebrating the strong women in our lives. The ones that raised us, the ones that were there for us, and the ones that took over those roles altogether. But for many going through IVF, Mother’s Day can bring up a whirlwind of emotions. Emotions that bring that longing pain of wanting a baby and wondering when it will happen. For me, it was a reminder of the pregnancy losses I experienced and the thoughts of all the babies that could have been with me that day. Longing for motherhood can be so lonely, especially if you’re putting your eggs in the IVF basket.

For me, the space BetweenGriefandFaith was having the faith that it’ll happen one day but having the Grief of not understanding why God was letting all of this happen. Don’t get me wrong—I have one of the best moms out there, and I thank God for choosing her as my mother! She has the kindest heart and is so selfless, and I hope to be half the Mother she is one day. But even though I have all this love for a day to celebrate my Mom, that didn’t dismiss the fears and sadness that would be dredged up.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalms 34:18

Even though sadness may weigh you down with the fears and heartache of the “what ifs,” I think it’s actually pretty cool to think about how strong the Lord has already made you. For someone willing to go through all the things associated with IVF and the demand it puts on your body is someone already so selfless and strong. On the days you don’t feel strong, rejoice in the Lord, knowing that he sees your pain. He hears our prayers. He loves us. It’s just the bitter truth that’s hard to hear… it’s his timing. I know you have heard that many times before, and I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, even in bad times. But I will be the first to say it’s not always easy to hear.

Here are 7 ways that helped me get through the holiday while still accepting the Grief that followed.

1. Journaling

There’s something about putting your fears on paper and giving them to God.

I used to think someone who journaled had to have a certain aesthetic. I know I am laughing at myself, too, right now! It wasn’t until my husband and I started reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson with our church that our pastor talked about circling your prayers. If you haven’t read that book, I highly suggest it!

My husband and I started journaling, and wow, the blessings you can overlook in a typical week are astonishing! Writing down the fears that may swarm your head is so therapeutic. My prayer journal became my open line of communication with the Lord. I would tend to go about my day stressing and analyzing everything. Everything I was eating, toxic chemicals around me, fears hammering me down. It wasn’t until I started journaling that I could give it to God and find a sense of peace. If you ever find yourself being consumed by your fears, I would give journaling a try!

Fun tip: You can get journals at Hobby Lobby. They’re usually up in the front with the faith-based books and Bibles! Wait for them to go half off and stock up!

If you don’t have a Hobby Lobby near you click here for a recommendation.

Put your fears, wants, and needs on that paper and give them to God. Circle the miracles only God can do!

2. Praying

The power of prayer is real, and I wholeheartedly believe in it! The Lord says:

Whenever two or three of you come together in my name, I am there with you.

Matthew 18:30

When first starting IVF, my husband Harold and I had a nonnegotiable, which was trying every way possible to be there for one another and try to stay connected through the process. One of the biggest things that made us feel so connected during IVF was praying together. Spiritual connection to one another is powerful, and praying together is the start of a strong one! My husband and I would join hands every night, taking turns thanking the Lord and letting out our fears and needs. For my husband, praying out loud made him uncomfortable because he thought he wasn’t good at praying or didn’t have the right words. I promise you that the Lord doesn’t need a perfect cookie-cutter prayer to please him. He wants that raw conversational prayer as if you were confiding in your best friend.

3. Reading an uplifting book

In our second round of IVF, I got into the habit of reading a few pages of a book. I would start my mornings by reading a book chapter, followed by journaling and prayer. These three habits became such a routine for me that when I had mornings where I was rushing out and didn’t leave time for the Lord, I noticed such a difference in my day.

This habit really was a game-changer for me! Some books I reccommend below:

• The Circle Maker – Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears  By Mark Batterson
• Cold-Case Christianity: A Homicide Detective Investigates the Claims of the Gospels by J. Warner Wallace
• Get out of your head: Stopping the spiral of toxic thoughts by Jennie Allen
• A Holy Pursuit: How the Gospel Frees Us to Follow and Lay Down Our Dreams by Dianne Jago

4. Bible App plans

When I was in between books, I would turn to the Bible App on my phone. One of my favorite things about the Bible app is that you can start short devotional reading plans! You can search by category of plans, such as Anxiety, Love, Stress, Loss, Doubt, etc. Even some books you probably have seen on the bookstore shelves have short plans on the Bible App that consist of week-long devotional plans.

Some of my favorite Bible App reading plans:

• Longing for motherhood by Moody Publishers – 10 days to recovering hope and trust in a God who cares
• Putting an X Through Anxiety by Louie Giglio
• 4 Prayers every wife should pray from Heather Hair
• Dangerous Prayers by Craig Groeschel
• Faith for open doors by Becoming Grace

The Bible app is another excellent way to stay connected to your partner during your IVF journey. You can invite your partner to do a devotional plan together!

5. Get Outside

I know every person has an entirely different protocol when it comes to IVF. My protocol was absolutely no physical activity. I quickly became a hermit crab, just snuggled up on the couch binge-watching a show, afraid I would do something to ruin my chances of the transfer working. It wasn’t until my nutritionist told me that research showed good sun exposure before an IVF cycle showed increased rates of pregnancy after a transfer! If you ever feel like you’re in a funk, I highly recommend getting outside.

Some fun ways to get that sun exposure:

• Go on walks with your partner. It’s so nice to get some fresh air in an open space and connect with each other.
• Go on a picnic. Let that sun soak in!
• Start a Garden. My husband and I enjoyed watching our herbs grow!
• Sit outside and listen to your favorite music.

Sometimes, a little sun can make those dark clouds in your head disappear!

6. IVF Community

The IVF community is one of the best communities when you need guidance or support. With so many different paths women take on their journey to motherhood, it’s nice to be able to relate to so many people. While my husband and I were going through IVF, we kept it to ourselves and close family because it felt easier that way. Immersing ourselves in the IVF community really helped, and in my opinion, it’s easier to talk to a stranger sometimes.

Some places to find support:

• Reddit—If you are not big on talking about your journey, then Reddit would be great as you can be anonymous. Reddit has many groups to join, from transfer day to the dreaded two-week wait! Just search IVF, and you will find a bunch of different groups to join.
• Facebook—If you are more open about your journey, Facebook has many groups for IVF support. Just search for IVF groups, and there might even be a local IVF group page!

7. Find a transfer day buddy

As mentioned above, the IVF community has much to offer when going through your cycles. Another way to stay sane during Mother’s Day is to find a transfer buddy. A transfer buddy is someone you pair up with who is in the same step of IVF as you. This doesn’t have to be someone local at all! There are so many people around the country going through IVF that it’s crazy how easy it can be to find someone transferring the same week as you!

Some reasons why I love the idea of a transfer buddy:

• You get to have someone that understands your fears and longings
• You get to cheer each other on every step of the way
• It’s nice to ask someone if it’s expected to be bruising this much or if they have tips for those injections!

I try to incorporate all seven things above when I start to get in my head, but I am still learning. I would love to hear about the different things you do to cope.

If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28 CEV

Remember to give yourself grace. You’re going through something that many people who have never been a part of the IVF community will understand. Feel all those emotions, and remember to give them to God! He alone can bring you a certain peace that no one else can!

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